An Indentity Crisis, All Over Agin
by SS-HPFC
Summary: It was the famous Weasley annual Christmas bash and everyone was celebrating.Everyone except Lysander, that is. Find out why! LS/LLP. For thethymeisright


_Disclaimer: Not JK…_

* * *

He knew it was delusional to have hoped that he could have avoided her here. The traditional Weasley Christmas party was in full swing when he floo-ed into the drawing room. It was being held at the Potters' this year, ironically enough, and he had chosen to come late. His Mum, Dad and Lorcan had floo-ed a few hours ago. Lorcan had been especially eager to meet his friend-turned-girlfriend, Lucy Weasley. Lysander chuckled wryly. He had no idea what he was getting into, dating a full blooded Weasley. Not even the Potter half of _her_ genes had spared him the misery.

He spotted mobs of red heads interspersed with brunettes, blonds and all shades in between. His eyes immediately locked with _her_ stern ones for a minute before his sight was blocked by the face of an elderly woman.

"Lysander! It's good to see you here again! Your mother and father were here earlier" Molly Weasley greeted him before she hugged him to death and it was a minute before he hugged her back.

"It's good to see you too, Mrs Weasley. Sorry I was late"

"Are you feeling alright, dear? You are eating well, aren't you?" she asked worriedly, Lysander smiled at her concern. Even if there were a thousand people in the room, Mrs Weasley would find time to fuss over each of them.

"Yes, Mrs Weasley, I am. And of course, there are the occasional trysts to the kitchen" he smiled mischievously at her and Molly chuckled.

"You're treating them right, aren't you?" she asked sternly, and he nodded solemnly. Having Hermione Granger for a daughter-in-law had had its influence on her, clearly.

"Of course. They don't bow to me, they call me by my name and I don't let them make me anything extravagant or too heavy for them to carry"

"I always knew you were a compassionate child. Don't let me detain you any further dear. Lily must have been waiting for you" she motioned towards the centre of the room where Lily was deep in conversation with her cousin Victoire. Even from this distance he could see that she wasn't very pleased with what her cousin was saying and her eyes suddenly turned to him. Seeing his glance, she narrowed her eyes at him before turning away.

"Aren't you going to go meet her Lysander?" the kind voice of Mrs Potter asked him and he turned.

"Hello Mrs Potter" he greeted her and was drawn into a conversation which she and his father had been having. Though he was listening to their discussion, his thoughts still circled her. She hadn't told anyone that they had broken up. What did that mean?

Sure, neither of them had ever spoken the words precisely. Was that why she was hesitant to make it public? Or maybe she just couldn't be bothered enough.

"Hey there, Ly" hearing the familiar and welcome greeting, Lysander turned to the smiling face of Teddy Lupin. He still had his turquoise hair.

"Hello Teddy. It's been too long" Lysander greeted him and Teddy's eyes twinkled knowingly. His eyes inadvertently sought the direction his fiancé was seated in and Lysander followed. It was just then that Lily stood hastily from the chair and walked quickly out of the party.

Lysander placed an unconscious step in her direction before he halted. Him going after her now may not be the best thing for her already incensed temper. It was apparent that Lily was angry, possibly upset and most definitely hurt, about something Victoire had told her. And from Teddy's behaviour, it was clear that the something must have been about him. Both their eyes had been fixed on him too often for him to believe otherwise.

"What is it, Ly?" Teddy asked innocently; too innocently.

Lysander shifted his eyes from Lily's retreating form. She had disappeared to the backyard where he knew she'd be playing with the garden gnomes. She was the sole reason Mrs Potter hadn't gotten rid of them. He smiled wryly at the thought. He couldn't help but think that she was the most endearing person he had ever met, even after she had hurt him this badly. Her little quirks were what made her unique; what made her stand apart from the rest of the family.

"Nothing, Teddy" he tried to be evasive but Teddy had never been one for letting things slide.

"I think you should go talk to her. Set things right, you know?" he suggested gently.

"There's nothing left to set right. She was the one who…decided, so to speak" Lysander sighed, knowing it was a lost fight. He would have gone after her even if Teddy hadn't suggested to. He could never bear to watch Lily upset, no matter how furious she might be with him. He had acted as her soundbox on more than a few occasions. He knew how her temper could get; he knew he should have stayed the hell away from her if he knew what was good for him; but he cared too much for her and old habits never die.

"Maybe she had her reasons" Teddy tried to reason with him but Lysander shook his head.

"There were none that didn't involve her leading me on"

"Lily never does that. You know her better than anyone else yet…" Teddy left the sentence hanging but Lysander knew what he was going to say.

_Yet, you can't figure out why she broke up with you_

"I should be going" Lysander walked around teddy, not staying to watch the smirk play on his face.

He found her by one of the bushes, playing with the gnomes, as expected. She was smiling, but he could see that her attention wasn't completely on them. She stiffened at the crunch of his footsteps on the muddy grass that covered the entire backyard of the Potter home.

She stood up slowly, her back to him, taking care not to startle the little gnomes which were now trying to look past her. They didn't scatter away at the sight of Lysander. It had been a hobby of theirs, spending time in the backyard watching the gnomes run amuck. But of course, that had been _before_…

"What do you want, Ly?" her low voice interrupted the few moments' peace they had had and a thousand answers ran through his head…

_To know why you broke up with me, to ask why you won't even look at me, to discern what took you away from me, to understand why you've suddenly become unreachable to me…_

"Nothing, for now. Can't we just enjoy the night without arguments?"

She turned to him, her expression quizzical. He just shrugged in response, seating himself on the stone bench under a large birch tree that gave the place absolute privacy. The shadows covered the bench completely and a person less familiar than he was with the Potter Manor's landscape would have stumbled over it. She sighed in defeat and sat on the bench, neither too close to him nor too far away either.

They remained silent, Lysander looking at the pack of clouds that were gathering at the edge. If he had any experience with reading clouds, there was a blizzard approaching. Lily, unaware of Lysander's musings, was staring at the windows of her home, through which she could see the party going on. No-one seemed to notice their disappearance, which she was thankful for. But the party would wind up in a few hours and she knew it was now or never.

"Lysander, I wish there was some other way to do this but… No matter that we are… It's not possible for me to… We can't be…" Lily stumbled over and over again over her words. Not that she needed to. Lysander understood her perfectly.

"Why?" Was the only word he asked but that seemed to set her off worse than a firecracker.

"Why? You…You have the nerve to ask me why, so calmly, after…After you _cheated_ on me?" she spun on her feet as she stood and loomed over him. Her eyes flashed with fury and indignation. Embedded deep inside her mask of anger were the hurt and weariness he had been seeing in her ever since that day she had told him that they couldn't work out.

"What do you mean by I cheated on you?" the shock her accusations gave made him ignore the hurt they had brought.

"How many different connotations are there to that, Lysander?" she placed her hands on her hips in her classic I-am-pissed-off pose, and for a moment the hurt disappeared behind her irritation.

"Just one. But I'd like to know how you came to such an _ingenious _conclusion?" he had stood up before he had realized he had and was almost nose to nose with her.

"That's not important. You cheated on me, that is all that matters."

"And what if I told you I did not?" he challenged, annoyed. If there had been a real reason, he might have agreed. But being subjected to such pain, only to find that it had all been because of a stupid rumour, he was beyond irked, he was aggravated. Lily looked confused now.

"But you never said anything before. You didn't even respond to me. You didn't even _look_ at me! You just sat there, hanging your head as if you were deaf. What was I to take from that?"

"Lily, you never asked me anything about it. You just came to me one day, and told me straight to my face that you wanted us to end. And you ran away before I could even say 'over'" Lysander protested, but he was slightly muddled.

"I did! I came straight to you as soon as I heard Jessica boasting in the library. I thought she was trying to mess with my head. I'm not one to hide away and make assumptions, Ly. You know that" Lysander nodded, deep in thought.

"When was this?"

"You know when it was! A week before…The last day of term" she replied, not willing to even pronounce that she had broken up with him.

Well, if she was so uneasy about it, she should have thought of it before. But Lysander knew Lily wasn't one to colour things. She spoke her thoughts as she felt them, without any inhibitions or ulterior motives.

"Where did you meet me that day?" Slowly, an idea was forming in his mind and he could only hope they would be true.

"At the hospital wing, I was there to meet Anna. Why were you there anyway?"

"Lily, I never went to the Hospital Wing during the past month. Remember, Lorcan was teasing you about not having any Quidditch mishaps. A record, wasn't it?" Lily chuckled and Lysander felt a weight lift off his heart. He wondered if he would be considered a sap if he thought her smile lit up his world. Probably. She sobered up quickly though.

"You mean to say you weren't there in the Infirmary? But, it _was_ you. I knew it was you!" she tried to justify her claims and Lysander nodded.

"Lily, don't tell me you forgot I have an identical twin?" he knew he was smirking but he couldn't help it. Lily was too adorable when she was confused.

"It was Lorcan? But he would have heard me, wouldn't he? He would at least have turned around?"

"You didn't even bother to look me in the face?" his voice was bitter and he looked away from her to hide it. Even Lily walked to him to wrap her arms around his torso, he remained mute.

"I thought you were feeling guilty" Lily whispered and she could feel him turn his head.

"You doubted me, Lils. That hurts. You thought I'd do something like that behind your back?" Though his voice was quiet, she could clearly hear the pain behind them.

"What was I to do, Ly? You were moving away from me. Don't deny it. I know you were. I was afraid you'd break up with me" she confessed and Lysander couldn't help but chuckle.

"So you went and dumped me. Had to be first in everything, didn't you?"

"I thought I'd feel better if _I_ broke up with _you_" she reasoned stubbornly.

"Did you?" he knew the answer quite well, but he needed to hear it from her.

"Nope, made me all the more miserable" she was pouting and he couldn't help but lean down to peck her lips.

"Silly Lily" he ran a hand through her hair, drawing her closer.

"I still don't get it. Why didn't Lorcan tell me?"

"Don't you remember? He kept annoying Lucy and she cast a deafening charm on him. Lasted a whole day, actually." He chuckled from the memory and she laughed with him.

"I completely forgot. I was so… Blinded. Sort of, like…"

"Everything else had faded out of existence?" he supplied helpfully and she nodded.

"But you were running away from me" she accused with narrowed eyes, though there was a serenity in them that he had seen had been lacking the entire evening.

"It surely wasn't because I wanted to break up with you and I certainly didn't mistake you for Rose, or Molly" he teased her but she did not relent.

"You're avoiding the topic and I'm having none of it. I want to know why you made me dejected for a whole week"

"Promise you won't run away screaming?"

She laughed, thinking he was jesting but looking into his eyes, she could see that he was dead serious. She nodded mutely trying to discern his thoughts from his face.

"It's silly, I mean, it's _way_ too early and we're much too young and…" He stuttered, but Lily waited patiently. An anticipatory smile broke on her face, almost as if she knew what he'd say.

"I just realized that I…Kind of…I love you" his voice was barely audible at the end and he went absolutely silent after that. Lily's silence didn't help his trepidation either. He knew he had been too hopeful. Of course she didn't love him back. They were what, sixteen? Who fell in love at _sixteen_?

It was only when Lily threw her arms around him and stood on her tip toes to kiss him did his musings halt. But she broke away too soon and his anxiety returned.

"Don't worry, Ly. I'm stupid enough to love you back" she replied with a twinkle in her eyes and Lysander let out a relieved sigh. She did love him after all.

"Does this mean I get to…"He took a step towards her and Lily's eyes widened dramatically.

"No, no, no. The lake is frozen anyway" she retorted, knowing he loved to push her into the lake a bit too much. Ever since they had been five.

"I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult to melt it" he replied mischievously, taking a step forward as she backed.

"You wouldn't dare, Ly. Don't" without waiting for his reply, she began running through the garden.

Hearing a distinct laugh from outside, Victoire looked to the window just in time to catch a glimpse of Lysander catch Lily and the both of them roll in the snow.

"So, they got back together" Teddy commented as he came to stand beside her.

"Told her he loved her. Now I get to tease her till eternity" Victoire was smug.

"One could build a house with the amount of dirt you have about your cousins" Teddy shook his head, wondering.

"Just looking after my little siblings" she replied offhandedly, knowing she'd never have to worry about Lily again.


End file.
